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Many single Christians desire to be married. There’s nothing wrong with that, the problem arises when they are not sure of what they want. They don’t know how go about seeking someone out without looking desperate. Others may not know how to be in a healthy relationship that honors God. In Genesis 2:18 states and the Lord God said

“It is not good for the man should be alone. I will make him a help mate for him”. (KJV).

God knew that we would need people in our lives.

Since I’m writing this book to women we will start by addressing the list. You all know the one I’m talking about. We all have come up with some sort of “must have in a man” list at one time or another. The list tells us what we should be looking for in man, things like:

Tall

Attractive

Nice build

Nice smile

Drive a nice car

Have a house and the list goes on.

Some women might want someone who is adventurous, or conservative, others may desire someone who goes to church. List are good in some aspects, they help you determine what you do want, however, it can put limits on you and what God is able to do for you. God know who best compliments you, but if you tell him to bring you someone with certain characteristics, especially ones that aren’t pleasing to him, then you have taken things into your own hands and this where the trouble begins.

I encourage you to be honest with yourself. You should never accept an offer for dinner or a movie because you feel like no one else will ask you out. What happens when you met the man of your dreams and he tells you that he doesn’t want to have children? Do you stay with him because he looks good, or do you move on knowing that you will someday meet a man that wants to have children as much as you do?

Ask yourself this question. What am I looking for? Are you looking for someone just to spend time with occasionally, like going to the movies, out to dinner or for a walk? We'll call this a friend, someone that you have a common interest with. Remember this, friends don’t kiss! How many of you have close friend that you would do anything for? Have you ever kissed her in the mouth, held hands while you walking through the mall, sat on her lap at the family cook out or laid on her chest while watching a movie? So why do it to man who is supposed to be your “friend”. I can tell you that most of us as believers of Christ have accepted the worlds’ way of dating and getting to know each other.

As Christians we want to get to know the opposite sex, but we don’t how without crossing the point of no return.

I remember being in college and meeting a young man and we started out as “friends” We talked to each other everyday, I even recall him looking up the phone number for my job in the phone book and calling me in the middle of the day to see how my day was going (you know I was smiling from ear to ear when he called) and we talked late on that evening as well. We spent all of our free time together by going to the movies, out to eat- we started making dinner for one another and eventually I wanted more from this “friendship”. I was new in Christ and I new right from wrong, but not having a full understanding as to why it was wrong. I later found out why. As we continued to be friends my feelings for him begin to grow. I ask him one day about us being a committed relationship what he said shocked me. He said “you can’t expect me to answer that and you know what I’ve been through”. I suppose I was to be understanding of the fact that his ex-girlfriend had cheated on him. I was sympathetic, but what did that have to do with me?

Now what I was to do with the feelings I had for this young man? I thought he really cared about me, after all he did call me in the middle of the day to see how I was doing, and we had spent time together and with each others friends. At some point in the relationship I realized I was worth more than he was willing to give. I knew what I wanted and if he wasn’t willing to give it than I needed to find someone who would.

How I continued to still be “friends” with other men and let them treat me like their “girlfriend” I will never know. What I do know is this, once who have had an encounter with God and realize the person He has for you doesn’t add up with what you are attempting to make happen, you begin to slow down and listen to him. Sure the men I dated were “saved” or went to church, but I had a desire for. I learned that what I was looking for was more of God.

In order to have a healthy relationship with anyone there are some key things that need to be in place such as;

Communication-where there is some dialogue and monologue on both parts.

Trust- being able to share your innermost thoughts, dreams, hurts and desires.

Commitment – the ability to stand on what has been established through communication. Here are some biblical examples of these key points:

In Exodus 33:11 “The Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks with his friend” (NIV). That means God spoke to Moses and Moses spoke back to him knowing that He would listen to him and help him in his despair.

Proverbs3:5-6 tells us to “trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and he will make your paths straight.”

If we will trust God to work things out on our behalf, He will show us to do and where to go.

Do not be afraid or terrified because of them for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you, nor forsake you”. Isn’t it an awesome thing to know that God talks to us as a friend, that we don’t have to worry and that we will never leave us?

These you should consider when trying to decide if you want a good man or a godly man.

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Chapter One Excerpt from the upcoming book: A Good Man or a Godly Man Which do you Prefer? By Kelli Bolton

Kelli is a faithful member of Agape Family Worship Center in Columbus, Ohio under the leadership of Pastor Yolanda Tolliver where she is actively involved in ministry as; Administrative support staff, Deaconess in Training, Helps & Hospitality Ministry, Intercessor, Sunday School teacher and Youth leader. She enjoys fellowship with family, friends and the body of Christ. She is also a member of the Columbus Christian Writer’s Association founded by Barbara Taylor Sanders.

She and her husband Vernon have three children, in which they are deeply committed to training up the way that they should go.